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Way Out
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Early life crisis.
Sunday, December 20, 20152:29 AM


I am now sat on the bed in the hotel in Kuantan, Pahang. The rest of my family members are outside, perhaps carelessly frolicking by the swimming pool. They asked me if I'd like to tag along, but I declined. Funny how swimming used to be my favourite pastime. My eyes would light up in delight at the mere mention of the aforementioned activity. Nowadays, however, I often find myself losing interest in many things in which I used to indulge. I figured it's just part of growing up, like a snake shedding its skin. You slowly lose yourself. Growing up sucks.

This family excursion is an impromptu one. Other than my father having work here - always the busy man that he is – the intention is to take our minds off things. For some reason, though, being away from home, even together with my family gives me an adverse effect. It gives me plenty of time to think and contemplate stuff and somehow that makes me feel so constricted yet so lonely. I don't like thinking.


SPM was horrid. That pretty much sums it up and although the thought of how bad I cocked it up never ceases to forsake my mind, I do not wish to discuss it with anyone ever again.

I'm more concerned about my future plans; what I'm going to be doing in the next several months, which course I'm taking, where I'm studying, etc. I'm still adamant about becoming a dietician, albeit sometimes there are always people making me doubt myself and my decision. Zzzzzzzzzzz. My father once mentioned his wish for me to follow in his footsteps and take up architecture. I do have a certain degree of interest in it but I've witnessed him at work. To be able to firmly admonish others and have others admonish you, all the rigours of being an architect besides having immense creativity, and being able to be precise and actually design buildings... I don't think I'd be able to do the job. Might as well pull all my hair out. Some relatives told me (subtly pressured me) that they envisioned me as an engineer due to my fixation on Formula One and MotoGP. I like Physics but HAHA nope bye.

I don't know. For now I'm trying to be open to all options. However I reckon my peace-loving and caring nature (lelel but really) would qualify me for being a dietician. I'm seriously inclined to that but we'll see if anything manages to change my mind in the near future.

Since 2015 is coming to an end, I've been reminiscing a lot about the year, going over and over again the most interesting goings-on and events. Seeing everything in hindsight, I wouldn't exactly dub 2015 an eventful year but to me it had been, for a lack of better word, nice. I gained close friends whom I talk to every day now and have become an important part of my life, I reconnected with my mates with whom I had become distant over the years, I added another one to the 7 years that I go through with my best friend even though our conversations mainly revolve around K-pop, I got to know people with different variations of personalities (there were a lot in Sri Aman) and most importantly, I managed to avoid conflicts with others.

I don't want to lose anyone that I already know in the brief 17 years of my life, even if we have never been close. I know people come and go but I hope you lot stay in my life for a long time. Escaping the confines of safety of school life and stepping into adulthood feel like suddenly being exposed to predators. I've been warned about it but I don't know very much how this world works, in fact I know nothing. I will discover it on my own now and so will you. And then one day in 30 years or so we can all reunite and talk and laugh about our own findings and discoveries about this world, about people, about everything.


I aim to smile and laugh and bicker as much as possible now. Some say college life and adulthood are harsh, presumably there won't be enough time for carefree thoughts and shenanigans. Faces adorned with genuine smiles will be tainted with sunken eye bags. Our lives will really commence then. How sad. I hope I won't change too much. Make way for maturity yet not lose the quality of being child-like, like how the Super Junior boys (yes, I stan them. Can't resist) are haha. I hope I turn out to be a woman who is happy with her life and everything she does. I want to do life right.

I think this song, "Gift" by Super Junior-D&E (or Eunhae as we fondly call them hehe) is quite fitting for today. It's in Japanese, has a poignant yet uplifting sound to it. Give it a listen.

Pffffft. Teenage sentimentality. Ho-hum. Right?