Early life crisis.
Sunday, December 20, 20152:29 AM
Hello.
I am now sat on the bed in the hotel in Kuantan, Pahang. The rest of my family members are
outside, perhaps carelessly frolicking by the swimming pool. They
asked me if I'd like to tag along, but I declined. Funny how swimming
used to be my favourite pastime. My eyes would light up in delight at
the mere mention of the aforementioned activity. Nowadays, however, I
often find myself losing interest in many things in which I used to
indulge. I figured it's just part of growing up, like a snake
shedding its skin. You slowly lose yourself. Growing up sucks.
This family excursion is an impromptu
one. Other than my father having work here - always the busy man that
he is – the intention is to take our minds off things. For some
reason, though, being away from home, even together with my family
gives me an adverse effect. It gives me plenty of time to think and
contemplate stuff and somehow that makes me feel so constricted yet
so lonely. I don't like thinking.
Anyway,
SPM was horrid. That pretty much sums
it up and although the thought of how bad I cocked it up never ceases
to forsake my mind, I do not wish to discuss it with anyone ever
again.
I'm more concerned about my future plans;
what I'm going to be doing in the next several months, which course
I'm taking, where I'm studying, etc. I'm still adamant about becoming
a dietician, albeit sometimes there are always people making me doubt myself and my decision. Zzzzzzzzzzz. My father once mentioned
his wish for me to follow in his footsteps and take up architecture.
I do have a certain degree of interest in it but I've witnessed him
at work. To be able to firmly admonish others and have others
admonish you, all the rigours of being an architect besides having
immense creativity, and being able to be precise and actually design
buildings... I don't think I'd be able to do the job. Might as well
pull all my hair out. Some relatives told me (subtly pressured me)
that they envisioned me as an engineer due to my fixation on Formula
One and MotoGP. I like Physics but HAHA nope bye.
I don't know. For now I'm trying to be
open to all options. However I reckon my peace-loving and caring
nature (lelel but really) would qualify me for being a dietician. I'm
seriously inclined to that but we'll see if anything manages to
change my mind in the near future.
Since 2015 is coming to an end, I've
been reminiscing a lot about the year, going over and over again the
most interesting goings-on and events. Seeing everything in hindsight, I wouldn't exactly dub 2015 an
eventful year but to me it had been, for a lack of better word, nice.
I gained close friends whom I talk to every day now and have become
an important part of my life, I reconnected with my mates with whom I
had become distant over the years, I added another one to the 7 years
that I go through with my best friend even though our conversations
mainly revolve around K-pop, I got to know people with different
variations of personalities (there were a lot in Sri Aman) and most
importantly, I managed to avoid conflicts with others.
I don't want to lose anyone that I
already know in the brief 17 years of my life, even if we have never
been close. I know people come and go but I hope you lot stay in my
life for a long time. Escaping the confines of safety of school
life and stepping into adulthood feel like suddenly being exposed to
predators. I've been warned about it but I don't know very much how
this world works, in fact I know nothing. I will discover it on my
own now and so will you. And then one day in 30 years or so we can
all reunite and talk and laugh about our own findings and discoveries
about this world, about people, about everything.
Lel.
I think this song, "Gift" by Super Junior-D&E (or Eunhae as we fondly call them hehe) is quite fitting for today. It's in Japanese, has a poignant yet uplifting sound to it. Give it a listen.
Pffffft. Teenage sentimentality.
Ho-hum. Right?
Lovelovelove,
-A-